Guys, this is one of the greatest testimony in my life, so please stay with me till the end. I believe this will change some lives out there, at least it changed mine.
For a very long time I had to fight against the fear of failure. In my past all the teachers and many other people I met told me "You can't do it./You are hopeless./Just give up./It's not for you./Give it up." Even without giving me a chance they decided I didn't have it in me. Those words were planted as seeds into me cause at that time I didn't know it was something I should pray away and lay it down before God. Like that I started to think I can't do anything, it's useless, everything I do will go for nothing. Why am I even trying? It was like that. I am a fighter (yes, I realized this one just a while ago, too lol), so I still keep working. But no matter how hard I worked on anything, even if it was not my fault something went wrong in the end. Fail. For a while I thought I was cursed. Many of my friends who knew me for a long time agreed. And with this fear I started my art college. Actually I am a fast worker. But one painting which I could easily finish in less than one hour, sometimes took me days just because of the fear of failure. It took me courage to even bring a line on the paper. It's like a staring contest between the paper, pen and me. Well, I heard many artists have this problem. And I know everyone has this fear of failure. Some more, some less. Especially children nowadays. I don't know how it is in other countries. But where I live, kids struggle in schools with this fear and some give up very soon. And the adults wonder why there's no improvement and get frustrated and let those frustration on the kids and that will lead to less confidence in the kids. No wonder, you know why? Because this world demands abilities for value. If you have nothing to offer, you have no value, you are a nothing. This is the way of this world. And that's why God is so great. In HIS kingdom it's the opposite: You are valuable no matter what. This is something I've learned from Bethy Barone's "Pure Water" teaching. It showed me how being a nobody in this world is a great blessing. I recommend it to everyone... again. I want to share with you how God lead me out of this nightmare. #1 It all started with a prayer (of course!). I prayed for years over years over years. I mean, I was helpless, how does one get rid of this fear? You caaaan't! You let God do. So, I prayed. #2 And I think God started to move starting in the college I am in right now. Here, for the first time in my LIFE, I met teachers who encouraged me, pushed me forward, believed in me, gave me chances and challenges. At first I didn't know how to deal with these treatments, I was so confused lol This was a whole new world for me. That's why I thank God for them every day and bless them every day and pray for them to meet Him. And I go and thank them, too, personally. Beth Barone said God sometimes heals us through the cause of the wound, like when you were hurt by a bad teacher God will heal you through a good teacher. That's when I realized God started to work on this issue earlier than I thought. #3 Then by chance I came to watch this movie "Meet The Robinsons". You know... I probably watched all the Disney's animated movies that came out until now, if not, at least I know the names. But "Meet The Robinsons"?! somehow must have slipped my eyes, cause I didn't know that it even existed. Maybe because I am not into time travel movies. No, really, I think they are stupid in many ways... But by chance.... "JUST BY CHANCE!" I watched it on TV. And it changed my life. In the story 12 years old orphan Lewis, a brilliant brain, invented something for the science contest at his school. But at the presentation it failed just because some villain loosened two screws to ruin his project. But little Lewis, not knowing that fact, thought it didn't work out because he is no good. TWO! SCREWS! Think of that... Like Lewis we might be just two screws away from success and we are not even at fault, but we just don't know it and give up by blaming ourselves, thinking we are no good. Well, somehow he ended up at this crazy family's house and they urged him to repair something. He tried and he failed and he started to apologize again. But the reaction of the family is something I think we all should learn from: They celebrated. They celebrated saying "From failing you learn, from success not so much.", "Keep moving forward!", "You are a special kid.", "You are one of a kind.". At the end of the story little Lewis' "I have no future" turned to "I have a bright future before me." Cause he realized no matter how bad the past looked like if you keep moving forward you can have a great future. I mean... I've heard those things like how great people became great – they never gave up and stuff. But this was visual and no one ever said "Let's celebrated failure!". I was so flashed. I was so encouraged. I just kept saying "WOW!" walking up and down my room, grateful to God who used this movie to encourage me just in the right time. #4 One of the teachers I really do respect a LOT, he can do almost everything! And he is really very blessed with the gift of teaching, not many have that gift and still teach, but HE definitely has the gift from God. He just doesn't know it. Please pray for him. :D I had a long talk with him when I was very down with my selfconfidence. And he told me he had the same fight that I have right now and he said the secret is to not give up, learn from the failures and apply what you learned in the future. And it was a great encouragement for me because if THIS great teacher had the same fight and overcame and became such a great artist... I must have a chance too... #5 That's not the end of the journey. In the morning, while I prepare for college, I always listen to CSN International Radio because "The word for today" with pastor Chuck Smith comes just before my classes start. One morning pastor talked about how Samson is also in the hall of faith [Hebr.11:32]. Yeah, Abraham, David, Moses, they all sinned, too, but Samson? How can he be in the hall of faith? But the pastor said it's because God does not remember our failures. He remembers our sins no more... [Hebr.8:12, Isa43:25] Isn't He... an awesome God? I was so moved... If we would think like God, we wouldn't remember our failures... Failing is good. Remember Peter and Judas both failed. Judas suicided, Peter repented, learned and became great for the kingdom of God. (Ok, maybe this is not the best example cause sin is no good but failing... Omg, this is another whole section but you know what I mean :,D) It costs a lot of strength to keep moving forward, but remember God is our strength, no limit on this strength. You just need to go before God and ask for more. I do it every day in the morning. If not I would not survive the day. Oh yeah, there's one more testimony: About a half year ago something big happened and I was greatly frustrated cause I didn't see how prayers did any good for me, I really felt like my prayers were just thrown against the wall or anything. But everyone was like "Nooo, God answer you, you just don't see it." So I said to God "Ok, that's it probably. If You are answering and it's just ME not seeing your answers then come on, open my eyes, let me see!" And guess what... He heard that prayer and started to show me bit by bit, small things but great to my heart... Realizing that I cried. I can't remember shedding that much tears of gratefulness in my life, if anything, it was the first time ever. That much I was grateful, still am. But hey, brothers and sisters... I summarized all this, what happened until now by talking to my mom last week. And I realized how God worked on this issue in me. One of the greatest breakthroughs in my life... I have no words... And looking back I realized one more thing... We have no need for regrets. Cause as children of God we know He turns everything to good. Everything. No matter what, everything! Even failures turn to our benefits! From fear of failure to benefits of failure. We just need too keep moving forward. And no matter what we have a great future, right guys?! WE HAVE THE GREATEST FUTURE IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD! It is a promised future! "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." [Jer.29:11] The german translation says "...to give/grant you future and hope." ("Denn ich kenne ja die Gedanken, die ich über euch denke, spricht der HERR, Gedanken des Friedens und nicht zum Unheil, um euch Zukunft und Hoffnung zu gewähren.") "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" [Psalm27:1] Guys,... God is so good... God is SOOOO good... No word comes to my mind thinking of what God has done and is still doing... We do not tarry on yesterday. We live in today and look towards tomorrow with no fear and no regret. Fail a lot. Keep moving forward. Just keep swimming. For God is for us. The Lord wants to talk about hard times... I know I'm having those for month now. You see... I'm almost finished with my art-school but I feel like I have learned too little and the things I still want to learn are so many. And I stood there, in front of my eyes a huuuuuge pile of things I want to learn while I am still studying and I didn't know where to start. So I jumped from one thing to another, totally confused, panicked and I worn out myself to the point where tears automatically fell down in front of my teacher without me noticing why. That pile of stuff I wanted to do was chucking me, literally. I couldn't breathe. And it was not like I wasn't praying, oh I desperately begged God for help every day lol. "God I can't do this without You, God I can't do this without You, help me help me help me, I don't know how where when what, help me!!!!" XD But I didn't hear anything from God in this. But seriously, where to turn but to Him? And not only in my studies but also in my relationships with people out there. Rejections, loneliness, fear of people,... They can really tear you up. But I know better: Rejections turn to treasures, brings me nearer to God; I don't get loneliness cause I'm still wondering how I can get lonely when I have Jesus and most of the time I want to be alone, but I still feel lonely from time to time. Fear of people? What, fear? God always said not to fear for He is with me. So why do these very true words not help sometimes? And what do I do when they come? What do I do when I just don't know what God is doing? When I just don't feel any help coming from God when I need help? I have one song for you as an answer. It's "Who you are" from JJ Heller: "I don't know I don’t know what You’re doing, but I know who You are." May it be stress, may it be broken hearts, separation from loved ones, pains, sufferings, anything... God knows and understands. He knows how it feels like to be rejected, to be betrayed, to be robbed, to lose a loved one, to be desperate, to long for someone He can't reach, being in stress, He knows everything. So this is the first thing I want to tell you: God knows! The second thing is: How do you know peace if you never knew stress? How do you know deep love if you have never been hated? How do you know how to value a relationship if you have never been rejected? How do you know gratefulness if you have never lost? I don't want to talk about yin & yang or whatever the world would say... I want to talk about how God always has a purpose and they are always good. His thoughts towards you, thoughts of peace and not of evil. Remember His promises and remind Him those too. Here comes the third point... hope never fails... I don't know about you but I can tell, whenever I go through trials and I sometimes even just want to go home to heaven where I can jump around with Jesus, when I feel to give up, there always is this gentle drumming in my heart that says "I'm excited how God is going to solve this this time? / What's going to come out of this? / There is HOPE!" Hope never fails you. 4th: What do I do when I don't know what to dooo? I know who knows the answer: Dory! Have you watched the movie "Finding Dory"? Oh it touched my heart and encouraged me so much, I watched it just in perfect time. So what does Dory do when not knowing in and out? "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming swimming swimming!" Thats right, whenever we don't know just try singing "Just keep going, just keep going going going!" Cause GOD HAS EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL! He has MASTERED your situation ALREADY for you! SO TRUST AND JUST KEEP GOING! And for the last point I want to say: You are the light! You are shining in this world. Honestly, I never was the type fearing people. I was bold in some ways and I didn't care what people were thinking of me. I still don't. But recently this fear was starting to pop out from time to time in my life and I didn't know why suddenly. It's like out of character lol. I guess I can say it's the enemy's doing. But I'd rather like to say it's because God wants to teach me something new so that I can understand and help more people out there. So I am grateful for this experience. Reminding me myself that I am the light and the salt in this world helps me to overcome the fear of people. I am royal, I am a princess! As the King's daughter I don't walk around with hanging head. I walk around with a straight back! I am the strong one, the strength comes from the Lord! I am the head and not the tail! If God is for me who can be against me? I have the lion walking side by side. I cannot lose when I already lost everything to God. And He is taking good care of that everything. Losing is gaining, but only if I bring them all to God. And I'm ending with this song: "I'm no longer slave to fear, I am a child of God!" Glory be to God ! King of kings of kings of kings! Thank You Jesus! What is your value?
I did not see my value. And I asked God "How can I see my value when in my life no one was there who truly showed me that they value me? Look," I pointed on my way back, "there is no one who stayed beside me, not one person! They scatter, they come and go like the dust in the wind, they puff away every single one of them... I know that nothing happens without Your permission, no one can go against Your will. So what is Your will in this damned walk of mine? Why are You allowing this in my life? I'm asking YOU, I want to hear YOUR answer, so tell me God!" And He gently said "I don't see the things the way you do, daughter..." "I know that, I'm asking You how You see the things! I have nothing valuable on me according to the expectations and standards of this world. How do You expect me to know my value? How can You expect from me not to look at the eyes of the people? How? Are You not enough for me? What am I supposed to do to be able to understand what it means to have my value in You?" And He answered: "Your value is in My love. Your value is in My love for you." And He changed my vision of my way that was cold, grey and empty, to HIS vision of my way. Just a second ago I was walking on the way I had imagined how my way was like, steadily looking back. And then God slides away the grey and it got bright. And my feet suddenly noticed something silky and my gaze wandered from the empty past to my feet and I realized that it was silk under my feet. And I looked up to the front and the path was covered with silk. And the Lord said "Your path may be stony but look, I have covered it with silk." Silk? I thought. The silk was pure white, as if it was washed by the blood of Jesus, as pure as the Lamb of God. And as I thought that, behold, the Lamb of God was walking and jumping before me... full of joy seeing me, full of excitement and love. And He said "I'm here, dandy, I'm always here and I will never let you down!" And I walked to Him and He took my hand and started to dance with me through the path. "You are valuable enough just because I have My heart on you. You are My love, I didn't ever call any other creation of Mine My love. Isn't this worth enough? Don't you enjoy this privilege? I gave My life for you and I would do it again if it's necessary. But am I not enough already?" And I tell you... if you are in Jesus' arms... you can do nothing but agree whatever He says... because... nothing seems to matter anymore... And the Lord showed me how I was trying to fish something beyond the silky way. And as I caught something and was about to see what it was, Jesus stepped by and caught what I caught and puff, away it was. I looked at Him, standing like a hero and He took the fishing rod from my hand and tossed it away. "Why are you trying to fish something beyond the path I prepared for you? Look...", He said and gently grabbed my shoulder and turned me around to the path. "... there is enough for you on this path." And I suddenly saw treasures on the silky way. "I already have prepared treasures for you, all you need is on this path. You may not see what these treasures are at first glance but as you continue to walk you will recognize the treasures that you picked up on the way. And dandy, I have MUCH MUCH MOOORE for you! This is nothing until now! I have more! I want to present you with much much more! I want to shower you with presents! So look at Me! Keep your eyes on the path I have prepared for you." And He started to dance with me again and He started to sing over me. This is my song for you. Let Me sing over you. My love is for you. My heart is on you. I will never let you go. I will never let you down. My heart is on you. My love is for you. Nothing can separate you from My heart. His voice is gentle and handsome and so... full of love... Do not look back, look in front of you. Even if the world says you have nothing and that your way of seeing the world is odd, in the end... you have everything... everything you need is prepared in front of your silky way. A way that the Lamb of God is walking in front of you, leading the way. The star☆ of Bethlehem showed us the way to the Lamb and the Lamb was the way... the way that leads us to a place beyond our imaginations... Your way may be stony but behold, Jesus stretched the silk above the way through His blood. Do you understand your value...? Christmas is approaching... and I think this is a great gift God gave me and I hope you too now, reminding us how we have everything in Jesus Christ, the greatest gift God could ever make... and that His love gives us the value we did not deserve but yet received... just because... I wish you everyone... a very blessed Christmas☆ remembering the Joy that was given to us. Let us thank God for the Everything, Jesus Christ... Thank You Jesus... |
Authorin teamwork with the Holy Spirit :) Categories
All
Archives
November 2020
|