For a few weeks I was very agitated and I just couldn't put the problem in words. I pretty much avoided confronting God with this and just kept saying God is good and He is not at fault and so on. But I had no peace and I couldn't continue like that so finally I had a conversation with God about this restlessness in me. Let me share a part of that conversation with you...
... and I said "Am I really complaining? [...] How can I say You are my everything but in the next moment I complain? How can I be so stupid? What is wrong with me? Are You a God who gives and takes back Your grace whenever You like? Are Your blessings only a momentary thing? No, that's not true! I thought You are a God who never changes! So I am the incompetent one, I fail, I don't make any sense. How did I get in this mess again?" And as I said those words a voice appeared and the Lord said "It's because you put a muzzle on the Lion!" And as soon as He said that I saw the Lion appearing beside me. "I gave you the Lion and you put a muzzle on Him. It can not roar with a muzzle!" Now I really was confused and asked "How can that be? How come? What's that muzzle? I don't understand?" As I was asking I tried to take that muzzle off but it didn't move an inch. "It won't come off! How do I get this off? What is this, Lord? "It's you focusing on your circumstances instead of My face", said the Lord. And I looked up to the Lion and His eyes, those beautiful eyes, I could see the world, the galaxy in them and they were so gracious and peaceful and full of love... I remembered them... I laid my hands on the muzzle and leaned my forehead on the Lions forehead... "Oh Lord... how could I forget to look at Your face... How can I talk about focusing only on You and then actually not focus on You? I was so busy looking at my circumstances again that I forgot... See, I am weak, I fail and I can't do anything without Your grace... and I asked You every day to help me... because I knew I am weak and that I will stumble again. Please take my weakness, all my sins, my incapability, my stupidity... I lay them down before Your throne... I lay them down before Your cross... I am not the one fighting... You have already fought the battle. For the battles in my mind You bore the crown of thorns so that I can bring my thoughts into captivity, to the obedience of You. Please renew everything in me..." And as I finished my words peace and silence entered. "So... how can I let the Lion roar again? What must I do to take this off?" "Do you love me?", said the Lion. And I said "How can I give You a certain answer to that after this? When I change myself multiple times a day? I don't even trust my own feelings. I want to say I love You but will that actually be the whole truth?" And the Lord replied with a smile: "That's enough. That's enough for Me... I know your heart is Mine. I have your heart and nothing can ever change this fact. No matter in what situation you are, no matter what circumstances, your heart is Mine." "Yes Lord, I gave you my heart, take my heart..." I thought that would take the muzzle off but it didn't... so I asked again "Father, what can destroy this muzzle? How can I destroy this muzzle? I don't know anything! Please help me!" And as soon as I asked, a light came out of my heart and there it was, a sword. And I was like "Oh... right... the word..." And I took the sword and it destroyed the muzzle and the Lion shook His blazing mane and finally could roar. And He roared like never before. [...] And the Lord spoke: "You are My child!" And I was like: "Yeah, I know... but what do You love about me so much? What do You see in me?" "You are My child, My beloved child! I knew you before you were born. And even before you were in the mothers womb I had already decided that you are My child. Before you were born I already prepared the special way only for you." "Yeah but what is that way? What do You want me to do? What do You see in me?", I asked. And He answered "Like an onion I will peel you one layer by another until it will become a beautiful flower. And an onion gives the food its flavor. And I told you already you are my "dandelion". I will take you to a journey for you to fully understand the meaning of this." Brothers and sisters... if you are in the journey as well with the Lord, rejoice... It's like an exciting adventure... Life should be full of adventures, don't you think? And it will be written down in the heavens and it will be called "The Book Of Dandelion", "The Book Of yourName", "The Book Of thatpersonsName"... isn't this exciting... The Lord is good... His thoughts are full of you today. He loves you that much and more... and that's why He will never forsake you... so be overwhelmed today... by His Love... Dwell in His grace and word and rest in His finished work. And again, leaving my failures behind me I confess "He has done it all. In Him I have everything." Praise the Lord the King and God, the Holy One. Thank You Jesus... |
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