I know I'm having those for month now. You see... I'm almost finished with my art-school but I feel like I have learned too little and the things I still want to learn are so many. And I stood there, in front of my eyes a huuuuuge pile of things I want to learn while I am still studying and I didn't know where to start. So I jumped from one thing to another, totally confused, panicked and I worn out myself to the point where tears automatically fell down in front of my teacher without me noticing why. That pile of stuff I wanted to do was chucking me, literally. I couldn't breathe. And it was not like I wasn't praying, oh I desperately begged God for help every day lol. "God I can't do this without You, God I can't do this without You, help me help me help me, I don't know how where when what, help me!!!!" XD But I didn't hear anything from God in this. But seriously, where to turn but to Him?
And not only in my studies but also in my relationships with people out there. Rejections, loneliness, fear of people,... They can really tear you up. But I know better: Rejections turn to treasures, brings me nearer to God; I don't get loneliness cause I'm still wondering how I can get lonely when I have Jesus and most of the time I want to be alone, but I still feel lonely from time to time. Fear of people? What, fear? God always said not to fear for He is with me. So why do these very true words not help sometimes? And what do I do when they come? What do I do when I just don't know what God is doing? When I just don't feel any help coming from God when I need help?
I have one song for you as an answer. It's "Who you are" from JJ Heller:
"I don't know I don’t know what You’re doing, but I know who You are."
May it be stress, may it be broken hearts, separation from loved ones, pains, sufferings, anything... God knows and understands. He knows how it feels like to be rejected, to be betrayed, to be robbed, to lose a loved one, to be desperate, to long for someone He can't reach, being in stress, He knows everything. So this is the first thing I want to tell you: God knows!
The second thing is: How do you know peace if you never knew stress? How do you know deep love if you have never been hated? How do you know how to value a relationship if you have never been rejected? How do you know gratefulness if you have never lost?
I don't want to talk about yin & yang or whatever the world would say... I want to talk about how God always has a purpose and they are always good. His thoughts towards you, thoughts of peace and not of evil. Remember His promises and remind Him those too.
Here comes the third point... hope never fails... I don't know about you but I can tell, whenever I go through trials and I sometimes even just want to go home to heaven where I can jump around with Jesus, when I feel to give up, there always is this gentle drumming in my heart that says "I'm excited how God is going to solve this this time? / What's going to come out of this? / There is HOPE!" Hope never fails you.
4th: What do I do when I don't know what to dooo? I know who knows the answer: Dory! Have you watched the movie "Finding Dory"? Oh it touched my heart and encouraged me so much, I watched it just in perfect time. So what does Dory do when not knowing in and out? "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming swimming swimming!" Thats right, whenever we don't know just try singing "Just keep going, just keep going going going!" Cause GOD HAS EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL! He has MASTERED your situation ALREADY for you! SO TRUST AND JUST KEEP GOING!
And for the last point I want to say: You are the light! You are shining in this world. Honestly, I never was the type fearing people. I was bold in some ways and I didn't care what people were thinking of me. I still don't. But recently this fear was starting to pop out from time to time in my life and I didn't know why suddenly. It's like out of character lol. I guess I can say it's the enemy's doing. But I'd rather like to say it's because God wants to teach me something new so that I can understand and help more people out there. So I am grateful for this experience.
Reminding me myself that I am the light and the salt in this world helps me to overcome the fear of people. I am royal, I am a princess! As the King's daughter I don't walk around with hanging head. I walk around with a straight back! I am the strong one, the strength comes from the Lord! I am the head and not the tail! If God is for me who can be against me? I have the lion walking side by side. I cannot lose when I already lost everything to God. And He is taking good care of that everything. Losing is gaining, but only if I bring them all to God.
And I'm ending with this song: "I'm no longer slave to fear, I am a child of God!"
Glory be to God ! King of kings of kings of kings!
Thank You Jesus!